While reading about the success of anxious authors, I've begun to wonder if perhaps I am no longer cut out for my profession. As I find it difficult to return to work I realize that it has been insecurity, financial concern and the neurotic need to prove that I was good enough that has driven the professional side of my career. The past years I have been in overdrive, constantly working and constantly worrying. And that is beginning to feel old.
Yet at the same time, I know I could never leave writing and illustrating. The artistic aspects of my livelihood has become so ingrained in me that without it I become undefined. It's just that I find myself at a strange crossroads--disillusioned with the needs of a creative career but unable to abandon the contentment of creation. I find myself wondering if perhaps I should search out other means of financial support so that I could (with a truly delusional,naive art school attitude)let the art be free. I mean, there is a help wanted sign at the cupcake bakery nearby.
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8 comments:
Who says cupcakes aren't creative?
I believe it's all about finding balance, which is different for all of us. Sometimes I think "balance" is a wild web-footed swimming bird, larger than a duck, but I'm still chasing it.
Grace!!!! Would this help with the doubts?
You've been nominated for the Sakura Medal!!!!
check out http://www.asij.ac.jp/elementary/library/sakura/sakura%202008/sakura+chapter+books+2008.pdf
Sorry you'll have to cut and paste.
A lot of us have been there more than once: driven by less than "pure" motives, yet longing to create without pressure. Once when no work was on the horizon, I visited a "career center". The aptitude test determined that I was best suited for (drumroll) a career in the arts. While explaining my situation to a career counselor, I was barely able to avoid bursting into tears over the thought of abandoning all I have worked for and doing something else. Even though I sometimes hate my work, I left with a new appreciation of how much it means to (and yes, defines) me. Not that a cupcake shop doesn't sometimes still sound attractive.
Congratulations on the Sakura Medal nomination! I hope it helps, mentally. Balance questions are so hard, especially for people who put their all into a profession that isn't often financially rewarding.
Hey, did you notice that your list of recent blog posts makes a poem? You create art even when you aren't intending to (or maybe you did intend it, which would be slick). Good luck!
My prescription is to explore everything, presume nothing, and eventually the path becomes clear again. And likely clearer then before. I'd apply for the cupcake job.
I hope you don't stop writing and illustrating, Grace. I love your stories.
"Explore everything, presume nothing."
I love that. In my case, it might be an excuse to have my fingers in too many cupcakes, which I always do, but I'll take it.
I'll be chewing on that one for a while. Thanks, Linda.
Grace...
As a fan with an entreprenurial bent, have you thought of creating replications of our art for childrens murals? I saw your mural for your friends. I think if you had the art enlarged on larger wall paper you could create a cost effective decorating product. I could see your art in play rooms, nursery schools, nurseries, libraries...
You can sell them on your web page.
Just an idea from a fan...
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